I read in tonight's paper that it was 27 years ago today that the Center for Disease Control reported on five gay men in Los Angeles who had come down with a strange new form of pneumonia. The beginning of AIDS. I remember it well.
It was March of that year that my first lover had been murdered and I was at that time completely out of control. The grief of that experience profoundly changed me for the worse. I was out of control and engaging in very risky behavior.
It took me about two years to sort through all the pain/garbage and get my head back on straight (LOL) - by then I thought I was surely in trouble. It took a few more years for the real story of what was going on to come out and how the disease was acquired. When I learned this I thought the worst. It took a few more years for proper testing protocols to be developed. By this time many of my friends were sick and a few had already died. Over time it got worse. I saw friends linger for months sick as dogs and some getting sick and succumbing in weeks.
For reasons I'll never understand my tests always came back negative. Time and again.
Over the course of the 90's many if not most of my friends died. I can't tell you how many hours I spent in hospitals growing frustrated with doctors who were trying their best but didn't have a clue what to do. Then in the late 90's they started to figure things out and my friends stopped dying. The last I lost was Jimmy. We scattered his ashes at Cannon Beach (thanks for the prayer's Moohaa)
What struck home tonight reading about this terrible anniversary was the fact that I saw my cousin who has been HIV+ for a few years at my grandfathers funeral. He's had pneumonia for the last month and I knew the look as soon as I saw him. It's developed into full blown AIDS. He's much younger than me and had the benefit of knowledge about how to stay safe. I'm not sure what happened or how but it is what it is.
The point of this whole downer post is to ask each and every one of you to look at the people in your life and be brave enough to engage anyone who might be at risk and talk to them and encourage them to take this disease seriously and make sure they know how to protect themselves. I'm afraid as the story gets back burnered that young ones may become complacent and take a risk and pay the ultimate price -
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Life
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14 comments:
Powerful my friend. I am so sad for the losses of that time. And I am grateful for the improvements in medicine that help now. This is a good reminder that though medicine has come far, it is still a killer. You are a blessing. Thank you.
Great job.
I have a friend I have known since I was maybe 2 years old who has been living with HIV for going on 16 years now. I never believed he would still be doing so well after this long.
Also, I just don't understand people who still take risks and don't use protection. It's just so sad.
An ex-student asked me, last year, to translate a huge project, complete with powerpoint slides and guest speaker transcripts, the 1st Women's HIV Summit that took place last December in Florida. It was an incredibly moving and extremely informative project for me. I got to learn about HIV/AIDS and women while helping to spread the word to Spanish-speaking women (and men) who need to know about HIV/AIDS. This included, obviously, dispelling myths, teaching about how to care for those with HIV/AIDS, informing of support systems available and educating about prevention and, if infected, how to choose a doctor and talk to a doctor and take control of your life so as to BEAT the disease and live with HIV.
It was powerful. I am honored to have been able to be a part of getting the voice out. We all need to use our strengths and our gifts to spread word and EDUCATE.
Thank you for this post, Brad. Be well.
I will take your advice and sit my teenagers down and discuss this with them.
Its probably something I should have done already, but...well...there's always an excuse isn't there. Thanks for the reminder.
Very good post Brad, and you are indeed lucky. I'm so sorry for all the death you saw firsthand, and the friends you'll always miss. It took me many years to get tested, and I feel so fortunate that I was spared. I had a boyfriend in the 80's that was an IV drug user who engaged in a lot of risky stuff. Plus, it was the 80's. I got around. People who didn't know me then? They'd never believe it.
Wow Brad...powerful post.
It sure brings back memories for me, although I didn't lose any personal friends to it.
Back in the early 80's, I was working for Visiting Nurses Association as a home health aid.
We had a client, I think his name was Michael. He had Aids. There were only 2 of us who would go take care of him, because fear then was so high.
I realized even back then that you couldn't just "catch" it. I helped take care of him until he died.
He was an amazing guy, a concert pianist. He had a beautiful house up in the redwoods out of Santa Cruz.
We spent many afternoons just talking, mostly with me listening and him talking, lots of times I would rub his feet as he talked.
It was one of the major turning points in my life, because I've always thought how glad I was that I helped him live those last few months, and then helped him die with some dignity, when no one would even touch him.
I had a tape for years that he gave me of his music, but alas, I've lost it now.
It was such a sad tragic time, and really it still is. I know they can combat it now to an extent, but AIDS is just horrid.
Bravo to you for sitting with your friends, and being there for them, it really shows the kind of person you are.
As for your partner being murdered, what a travisty. Being the victim of a violent crime changes you forever.
Peace,
OC
That was beautifully said, my friend, and you've obviously touched a lot of us by saying it.
I remember where I was 27 years ago when that story broke too. I'm so glad that the medicine has come such a long way.
I have to run and get dressed for work, but just wanted to tell you that you're in my thoughts today.
love u -
fiwa
Strong! Very strong..... I got goose bumps.....
I tagged you at my place, my friend. Come over when you have time.
just came by to say hello ---
sorry to hear of your losses brad. it's tough, i know.
i am however, happy to hear that you are "ok".
hope you have a good weekend ---
I lost one of my best friends to AIDS and it was a horrible thing to see. He was a wonderful person who was with a partner he thought was dedicated to him - He was wrong, dead wrong.
Yes, I encourage everyone to be open about the sujbect and discuss it with their youngsters before it's too late. Think how you'd feel if your child looked at you and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Hi Brad, and thanks for finding me, it let me read a really moving post. I can't imagine the pain that you must have gone through with all that loss, and the not knowing as well, just the fact that people were dying. It must have been awful and I am so glad that you were spared.
I remember when I was a teenager we had an ad campaign funded by the government where a spooky tombstone fell over, and it said AID's kills. At the time it was really controversial as people said that they shouldn't be trying to scare people like that, but it stayed with me forever, and I have always played it safe. My sister is a couple of years younger and wasn't exposed to that ad, and I know that she doesn't always - don't worry I do nag though!
Thanks for the reminder of how far we have come, but also of how far we still have to go in terms of finding a cure. One of the things that I find saddest are the attitudes in Africa where the church still preaches against condoms, and says that they don't help. Governments don't step in, and even more sadly most of the AID's help donated by the US is tied to abstinence programs.
Such a sad post! So sorry you had deal with so much death and sadness.
Happy though that you are fine!
It is sad to think of the ones got sick before the right drugs were developed.
It's insane to think of the people who are getting sick even though we all know better.
Good reminder.
For my friend Doug.
I miss him.
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