Oh Yeah, Sometimes I write...

It didn't hit me till I got to work this morning and noted the date for the first time. I turn 45 this week.

Not a milestone birthday, more like coming to the top of a hill and looking out at the horizon and thinking, yup that's 50, just down the road.

I doubt that in the course of human history any of us have ever really felt the years or age that time said we were. I still feel like a kid, well mentally at least. Part of that may be my belief that you never really grow up until you have kids. We non-parents really have the freedom to be quite a bit more self indulging. I try and make up for it by being a good uncle and generally part of the village raising the kids. I really should have tried harder to become a Dad. It would have been good for me growth wise and I think I would have been good at it. It just never became a possibility. I'm blessed that most of my friends took the plunge and gave me lots of "nieces" and "nephews"

I guess I'm being a little introspective tonight. Partner and I will have been together 22 years in March, almost half of my life time. I really did get lucky. He tells me everyday that he loves me and that I'm handsome. And I think and say the same about him.

Sometimes when I'm alone and quiet I'll remember something I did years ago (typically, in my 20's) and just cringe for the sheer stupidity that my 20-something self did. I don't regret being there for a minute and I'm happy I still feel like that man, but with hopefully a bit more wisdom.

I'm lucky to still have Grandparents at 45. And a 68 year old Mom who still looks pretty hot. (scroll down) - I ain't complaining. Life has been good to me.

I can hear Partner now downstairs at the kitchen table. I can hear the squeak of strain on the kitchen chair as he tips back on it. I think all go down and give him a peck and see what he wants for dinner.

And then tell him,

All four feet on the floor !

No reason to get all mushy.