Things that have been bouncing around in my head recently:
The Post Office:
Dear U.S. Postal employee,
Really, I think your great. You guys are always quick, pleasant and efficient. But when I hand you my package and say "Parcel Post" what I'm really saying is: "Strap it to a tortoise and send it on it's way, as cheap as possible. I really don't give a rat ass when it's gonna get there." When you respond with "We can get it there by noon tomorrow for $19.87", you're just pissing me off. No, I don’t care to pay extra for delivery confirmation, We already went through this last year when you lost a package with confirmation and still couldn’t find it. Remember ? Could you please remind the guys in the executive suite that your all federal employees, and I'm one of your bosses? STOP with the f’ing upsale-ing. What is this McDonalds? And no, I do not need any stamps or envelopes today, quit asking.
The Driving Public at Large:
Dear Fellow Drivers,
Please look in your rearview mirror. Yes, hello here I am. I’ve been following behind you for a bit. Now that we’ve come to the light w/ two lanes in each direction and since you didn’t turn on your turn indicator when we approached the light I assumed (ya, I know don’t say it) that you would be continuing our little trip forward through the light. But now that the light has changed and you’ve decided you want to turn left and turn on your turn indicator, I’m stuck behind you and can't get over with the on coming traffic in the right lane. Ok, now look back in your rearview mirror again. Hello! Yes, this is me, flipping you off.
Junk Mailers:
Dear Credit Card Companies, ISP Providers, and Assorted Other Offenders:
DUDES! – You have sent me the same solicitations for years. Have I ever responded? Do you hear my answer in my silence?. How many trees are we gonna have to kill here before you get it? Oh, and by the way, you’re setting me up for identity theft every time you mail this crap to me. Please STOP!
Miss Lilly:
I know the whole locking you in with the cat door closed was a complete bust. I know you’ve found a way in and out of this house with out needing a door open for you. I’ve looked high and low and still can’t figure that one out. I also know that you’re bringing the mice IN from outside. (yes, I saw you) At least I now know that my house isn’t totally infested. But Babe, when you were up here in the office the other day laying at my feet, I thought it endearing. Until I found you had a mouse down there. Next to my feet (Dear Reader, If you hear screaming now, it’s fiwa standing on a chair) You and your little friends need to play OUTSIDE - REALLY !
By the way, watching Partner pursue said mousy in the laundry pile trying to kill it with “The Joy Of Cooking” was totally worth it. Hat tip.
Blogger:
Dear Blogger:
Are you freaking EVER going to fix spell check or the rest of the options from the toolbar? Really guys, get on it.
Ah, I feel much better now.
XOXOBC
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Minor Annoyances
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13 comments:
Brad, you are so funny! I especially love the mousy part. Reminds me of myself chasing mice with the Encyclopedia Brittanica. I did catch that one.
Hey, what are you doin up at this hour. Here it's now 7:30. I've been reading blogs for an hour. Get to bed, buddy. This is your inner mother speaking. :-)
got AIM?
Loved it, loved it, loved it!!
I've had it all drug into my house. Birds, mice, chipmunks, rabbits, cicadas, lizards and a snake ONCE. Thank you Lucy. Henry just sits on his laurels looking cross eyed.
Thanks so much for the laugh this morning - it was a much needed postitive start to my day.
Oh, and just so you know - I now have that stupid Beverly Hillbillies song running around upstairs, and thanks, thanks a lot. :)
xoxoxo to you.
(no upgradin' or anything)
This post is hilarious. I love it! How many times I've thought just what you've written. Say...about the junk mail..try greendimes.com. Our lovely FIWA told me about it and I signed up a couple months ago and I can tell the difference big time. Save a few trees and plant some new ones! Yay!
Some body needs to get some.
You are one funny guy. I especially loved the mouse story. I can picture you, without any 'proper' shoes and a mouse being rubbed on your socks! And the book! I'm laughing as I type this.
I've heard everyone complain about Blogger and spell check. It's been working just fine for me. There was the picture thing last week. I would have rather had pictures and bad spelling than no pictures.
Happy night!
Cheryl had to bring up the proper shoe thing again. I need to go shopping.
At least it isn't an annoyance over a blogger...It could be worse, look at it this way, you aren't pissing off people, You could be pissing some off, some peeps, even though you weren't the cause..even though you didn't do anything wrong, it's not an annoyance, it's a hurt because I have abandoment issues, and it hurts when people leave me over things that I didn't do, or cause,...I don't understand why people cut off relationships in life. I'm just not one of those people. I will be there, even in times of rough waves, and people just have this knack for interfering,or, walking away, or ridiculing me, talking behind my back...why is it so hard to turn the other cheek? why is it so hard to say, I'm not going to blame you...so, if I don't like my husbands relative, does that mean I should remove him from a place that I wander in my life? It hurts because I will always give people tries, and never walk away, I will always be involved in people that I care about lives..
whew, I'm off my soapbox.or rather, tearbox, pass me a tissue, I need to nettie pot!
Forgive me and pardon me while I go change around some peeps. You like how I flowed that..? I'm a freak, heading up to bed..
always,
me
My friend Desert dirt diva has no spell check . How do you find OR fix that ?
I had to sign into her blog tonight to tell everyone she has no internet, and I thought I would go fix it.
I'm stymied. I saw nothing related to spell check.
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